soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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