I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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