Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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