it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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