its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
