He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
should my penis look like a turkey
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
