I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
