This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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