I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize