Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize