If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Enjoy the penises
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
