so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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