so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Randomize
