come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
