I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
