she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
