Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
