If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
