he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
