Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
