I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You smell like a Billy Joel song
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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