another moral hangover. fuck.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
