dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
