great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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