Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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