Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
