Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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