don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize