Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
