she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
