U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize