hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
