I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
