he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
