Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
