I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
