I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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