I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
