I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
