You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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