she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
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