being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
We're too hungover to prance.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
