3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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