carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
They should really pass out barf bags in church
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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