Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
