He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
