On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
