return my video game
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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