it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
