so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
