so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
