"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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