Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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