you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
