I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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