I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
