Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
