Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
