You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
