We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
