you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
