we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
