okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
