this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize