Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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