Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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