im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
