Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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