My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
