I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
