the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
The feeling are messing with the penis
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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