Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
