I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
