Plan B is the new Plan A
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
