Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
