Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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