I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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