He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
