I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
