hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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